Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
