u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
