I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
