i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
