chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
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We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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