he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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