life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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