Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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