all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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