I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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