my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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