I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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