Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
my being single is dangerous.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
