I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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