Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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