his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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