So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I need to calm my uterus...
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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