Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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