I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm having to shit out rocks
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
