Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
