dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
