god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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