I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
