It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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