After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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