She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
