but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
