I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
