Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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