She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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