i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
