woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
