He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
