Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
