My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize