Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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