I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My penis needs a shock collar
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
