i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize