Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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