the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
