I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this boner is exhausting
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Shame - the story of my life.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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