the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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