There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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