My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
