Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
she peed on how many people?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
