benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
