please come you make the beer taste better
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
