I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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