if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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