just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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