It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
