finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
