i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize