oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
