On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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