How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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