Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
