Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you traded sex for a burrito?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
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can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
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I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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