Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize