Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
