Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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