I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
