so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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