Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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