I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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