I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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