Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
