I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize