you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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