So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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