Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
we're making bets on your personal life
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
