Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I think my moral compass just broke
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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