I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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