I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
