Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Come see our sink grown plant.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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