It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
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He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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