How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
im holly from the hills drunk
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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