i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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