I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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