Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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